yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
