Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
