drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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