Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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