The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
