i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize