hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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