I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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