from now on my penis is your penis
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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