look no pants
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
