I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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