One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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