I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
