i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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