Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
