I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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