Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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