Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
