Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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