someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
