so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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