Plan B is the new Plan A
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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