the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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