why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
