my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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