Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
