And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
