I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
