The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
