: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize