So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
