wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
