You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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