I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
