your thong is hanging out like whoa
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
