Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
