I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
