And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
