just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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