im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
