Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
