The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
