This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
