This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
