btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
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I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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