I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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