I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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