He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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