Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
