I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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