Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
two words...techno handjob
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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