Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
