He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
