I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
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FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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