All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
