Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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