Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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