Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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