i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I will be naked everywhere
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
