I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
