I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
