Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
