like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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