Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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