wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize