We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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