Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
People in love make me want to vomit
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
