You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
