I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
