he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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