i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
